I realize that, just like Sonny Rey in “Here I Stand”, a cool song I just discovered last night, “I’ve been gone awhile”. You see, like Sonny Rey, “I was trying to live a life that I misunderstood” and I had to pull my shit together. Unfortunately, that meant that this blog fell a little by the wayside. While I can’t promise that I will be a model of blogging perfection from here on out, I will certainly strive to follow Rey’s example so that I too can be “back for good”.
I feel a little guilty for my previous absence, and since my lackluster return almost a week ago, I’ve also started feeling guilty for the piss-poor attitude I put on display. You see, part of the reason I stayed away was because, like I said, I was going through some shit and at the time, I really didn’t have anything positive to say, and even though I own 100% of what I say on this blog and have never said anything I regret or don’t mean, the last thing I want is to become known as That Grouchy Old Blogger Who Won’t Shut Up About How Much The World Sucks. Therefore, I have fully committed myself to filling this blog with more positive posts about things I think are awesome and actually worth writing about.
And I’ll totally do that as soon as I’m done bitching about Coco Jones.
According to Wikipedia, fifteen-year-old Courtney “Coco” Jones is an American actress, dancer, rapper and singer of horrible dance/R&B pop music (I came up with that last part myself, but it’s much undoubtedly more accurate than the three previous descriptions). Jones was born in Columbia, South Carolina, but raised in Lebanon, Tennessee. Her father is former NFL player Mike Jones. Her mother Javonda is a session vocalist. It was obvious Jones was destined for mediocre things when, at the tender age of nine, she got her start working with Disney and then performed live two years later in front of the cheering (and most likely illiterate) studio audience of The Maury Povich Show as one of Maury’s “Most Talented Kids”. Since twelve-year-olds usually have a vast wealth of life experience from which to write soul-baring musical masterpieces, that was the age at which Jones released her first album. Her debut’s beautifully poignant title, Coco Jones, was an early indicator of the level of creativity the young singer would display in the future.
Miley Cyrus, former Disney star.
Since Disney child stars are well-known for their strong moral fiber, Jones molded herself into the same cookie-cutter image by embracing “a platform of positive values and…self-esteem” . To this end, she began an anti-bullying concert series (wonderful cause but whenever beautiful, wealthy pre-teens sing about being bullied, I have to ask “what’s your motivation?”), and one thing Jones can be legitimately proud of is being selected to perform at the 2012 NAACP Awards Nominees Luncheon. In between luncheons, CD launches and competing in Radio Disney’s Next Big Thing in 2010, Jones did a great many uninspiring things that bring tears of pure boredom to my eyes every time I think about them. Blurred vision is clearly not conducive to quality post writing, so you can read about it here.
I delved into Jones’ woefully uninteresting past to provide you with a little background, but my real focus is her present and future. Just one week ago, on March 12, 2013, Coco Jones launched her Made Of EP which featured six tracks including her 2012 hit single Holla at the DJ. Her album has thus far been well received by fans and currently holds a 4 star rating on iTunes, and speaking of the digital music giant, it was so impressed with the young Miss Jones that it made De Ja Vu–set to be Jones’ next single–its Free From iTunes Track of the Week and it was on iTunes that I first came into contact with Jones’ music.
Coco Jones’ EP cover.
I became aware of Coco Jones most likely the day her EP was released, and if not it was very soon after. I saw Jones’ album in the New Music section of iTunes and was immediately drawn to the cover, which had the attractive, clean-cut teen prominently displayed over an innocuous white and light blue background. Although Jones was obviously young, I didn’t realize quite how young she is and her song titles–such as “Holla at the DJ” and “World is Dancing”–as well as the girl-power-like fist Jones’ is making on the cover geared me up to expect some poppy, infectious dance tunes with perhaps a track or two about first love and heartbreak, but upon listening to the one-and-a-half minute previews of each of the four tracks, I was dumbfounded. Although Made Of has no shortage of radio-ready dance tracks, Jones’ 2013 effort lacks any semblance of meaning and has a distinct “Let’s party” vibe. You won’t find any bittersweet tales of first love or a shy girl quietly begging for a kiss. There are no blushing high schoolers passing notes in home room and hoping they are cute enough to impress their crush. It’s all about dancing “out of my shoes” in the middle of a packed floor making all the girls on the wall “jelly” while holla-ing at the DJ to turn it up because “the world is dancing” and they all want to get “wild and crazy live it up live it up WHHOOOAAA”.
I Am Hot Teen. Hear Me Roar.
As I said, I was unaware of Jones’ age when I first heard her tracks, and I must point out that Jones does have a particularly impressive set of pipes on her. By her voice alone, I had no idea she was fifteen and actually thought she had to be at least three years older. And her tracks, all about partying and going out on the town with her girls, certainly didn’t take me back to my own sophomore year. But I guess that’s my main problem with Jones: not only does her album lack depth, it is also devoid of any sense of authenticity. I could write six more paragraphs explaining what I mean here, but nothing says it better than Jones’ own lyrics:
“This party’s hot; you know we’ve got it
Party all night, that’s right it’s jumpin’
My crew don’t stop, I’ve got the city on lock”
–“Sweet 13”, a 2011 Jones single
“Fresh off the flight with my brand new shoes on
They ain’t even out yet, let me introduce ’em
I do my two step, hey right in front of ya
It’s kinda crazy cuz I’m popular
Holla at the DJ; tell him turn it up”
–“Holla at the DJ”
Jones.
I don’t know about you, but when I was fifteen, nothing would have been less relatable to me than a song about hitting a club wearing brand new designer shoes. And since when does a middle schooler have a crew? That, and the fact that she supposedly had the “city on lock” as a thirteen-year-old girl must surely be a throw-back to her tough adolescence on the gritty streets of South Carolina. Any of this remind you of your childhood? Yeah, me neither. And I seriously doubt it is accurate representation of Jones’. I’m not a prude, but I find the sexuality in Jones’ lyrics pretty shocking, especially in “Sweet 13”.
“Gonna get it started, you know what I mean
Girls get it popping on the dance floor then I hit the dance floor
Baby, it’s a sweet thirteen.”
To me, the best thing about being thirteen was that my parents finally let me watch an R-rated movie. To Jones, the best thing about being thirteen was partying. And she’s definitely not blind to the effect her nubile young body has on the opposite sex.
“They want, they want
They wanna see about it
They wanna stand around the club all night and think about it
Amplify the recipe every time you look at me.”
–“Made Of”
Ah, Coco: bringing shame to Disney’s otherwise sterline image. Tsk, tsk.
Britney Spears, former Disney star.
I’m willing to admit a bias against the music of teenagers, but my iPod still has quite a few tracks put out by teenage artists. When most of us hear about a hot new teenage singer, especially one sponsored by Disney, I think groans and eye-rolls are an almost instinctual reaction. Teenagers, most of us assume, haven’t really lived and shouldn’t be singing songs about finding their soulmate or little black dresses or the hot blinding passion of true love. But honestly, our teenage years are some of the most important years of our life. We make major decisions about sex and love and the direction we want our lives to take. It is the time in which we begin to discover who we are and where we want to go. Those years are full of very strong feelings of insecurity, awkwardness and yes, even love. And although those feelings might not endure under the strain and pressure of time, those things are absolutely worth writing songs about. So no, I hold nothing against Coco Jones simply because she is fifteen. But since she is so very young, I have a hard time believing she spends most of her time on the club dance floor, and if we can’t believe that, then we really can’t believe her. Jones’ music, as it currently stands, contains not a single breath of honesty. The singer is not Coco Jones: the real girl; she is Coco Jones: the start-up image.
Jones looks like Jennifer Hudson, sounds like Rihanna.
Made Of is meant to launch Jones’ career, and that’s the cold-hard-cash logic behind all the “let’s get up and dance” songs. They are a template for the kind of songs Jones could theoretically produce in the future, and that’s what I have a problem with, because in addition to being bereft of honesty or meaning, Made Of is sorely lacking in originality in just about every conceivable aspect. There is nothing exciting or new about any of her tracks (with the exception of the Nicki Minaj-esque “Sweet 13” which is notable for its shocking level of unbelivability and shockingly age-inappropriate lyrics). “World is Dancing” is the long lost sister of Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”, and possibly the fraternal twin of Taylor Swift’s wretched “22” and “Deja Vu” is a hybrid of “Where Have You Been?” and “Halo”. And going back to my crack about meaning, check out the nauseatingly familiar lyrics.
“Yeah we’re young and we’re wild and crazy
Live it up, live it up
The whole world is dancing
Find a girl, find a guy you can dance with
Live it up, live it up
Dancing!”
–“World Is Dancing”
And let’s marvel at the sense of maturity we get from Made Of‘s title track.
“So what, so what
Talk about it
You want, you want
Yeah you want to know about it.”
Lindsey Lohan, former Disney star.
Jones herself is nothing unusual either. Her admittedly powerful voice is still a long way from being fresh. Both her voice and her tracks sound like offerings from a much earlier Rihanna, which makes sense because writers that worked with Rihanna and Beyoncé penned her tracks. It ironic that one of her songs is called Deja Vu, because that’s definitely what I got from Made Of, and really, from Jones’ entire career.
You might be wondering why, if Coco Jones is so obviously irrelevant, I chose to waste over two thousand words on her. Truthfully, I almost didn’t want to post this. As I’ve repeated ad nauseam, Coco Jones is only fifteen, so ridiculing her fledgling career makes me feel a little bit like the bullies she sang about on her concert tours. I’m not trying to rain all over her parade of adolescent fans just for the sake of being General CrankyPants of the First Division Party Pooper Brigade and I certainly don’t want to be thought of a gloomy gus just bitter that Coco will be livin’ in a big ole city and all I’m ever gonna be is mean. Odd Duck isn’t about being mean; it’s about being honest.
In the past, my blog has been accused of bullying and attacking celebrities for no reason other than glib cruelty. I can’t stop people from thinking that, but it isn’t true. I don’t “attack” celebrities and music artists to have a good time. I do it to make a larger statement, and the statement here is about the future. If Coco Jones’ really is The Next Big Thing, I think we should be very worried. Because if artists like Jones are the future of music, then the road there will be paved with copycats of the same bland artists we’re seeing now. It bothers me that Coco Jones is seen as the next Rihanna or Beyoncé. We don’t need a next Rihanna. We don’t need a next Beyoncé. We already have Rihanna and Beyoncé.
Coco Jones, current Disney star.
We need Coco Jones to be someone entirely new. We need fresh, soulful lyrics about someone’s unique experience. We need artists who write from their own soul, providing a perspective no one else can. We need songs that haven’t been heard and sung and played over and over again. We need a next wave that really is a next wave, and future that is truly new, and that’s why Coco Jones’ success bothers me so much.
Because when I look at Jones, I see our future…and all I can see is the past.
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